April 30: Keep in Contact

I missed my prayer journaling time this morning. I woke up too late to make it to my volunteering job and journal, so I skipped the journaling. Even when I realized my volunteer commitment was cancelled, I forgot about praying. Tonight, I texted with one of my friends who I hadn't talked with in a while, and I found out about a lot of stuff that's been going on with her. It's occurred to me now that if I don't communicate with God regularly, he's going to miss out on what's going on with me. I'm going to miss out on what's going on with Him. I've got to keep up.

April 29: Gut Feeling

I read in some book that your "gut feeling" really does exist; there's some nerves in your intestine and when you do something or feel a certain way, you do experience a certain "gut feeling." But that's beside the point. Figuratively speaking, your "gut feeling" is your instinct or habitual action in a given circumstance; some may call it your conscience or the voice of God. I prefer the latter.

Today, God firmly planted in my mind that I needed to text the girl in my small group who has been having health issues. I knew she had a doctor's appointment today, so I sent her a quick text just checking in. She let me know that she is feeling better and that my text really made her day. Wow. Something that simple can really affect someone--how many times have I missed doing that little something to make someone's day?...oops.

April 28: I Can Walk with You

I was walking my dogs today (it seems these posts often start with that clause), and we ran into some trouble. A dog at a nearby house was loose, and he was not the friendliest. Needless to say, my dogs went crazy and their dog was going crazy, but his owner was only a little boy who was absolutely doing the right thing by staying out of the way. The situation was starting to settle as my dogs and I got further away, but a man had driven up, rolled down his window, and asked, "Do you need any help?" I said, "No, thank you," and we continued to pull along away from the dog. The man didn't drive away; he stayed, and offered again, "I can walk with you." Again I repeated, "thank you, but as soon as I get to the stop sign (about 10 ft away), I think we'll be good." We continued to walk, and he stayed right there until my dogs and I had safely crossed the road. Then, he continued on his way.

Have you ever heard the voice of God say, "I can walk with you"? I think my response it usually, "No thank you, I can do it by myself." Is God not good enough? Are we really better by ourselves? I don't think so, and the man today was a reminder that even when we say "no, thank you," God isn't going anywhere until we are safe.

April 27: Be Still

I was walking my dogs late this evening, just as the light was draining from the sky. We walked by the lake. The water was still, so as I looked into the water, I could only see the reflection of the pretty sky and trees. It got me thinking: if we are still, we reflect the light and beauty most clearly. In other words, when we aren't rushing around to accomplish worldly things, we give God's beauty and light an opportunity to be reflected from us.

April 26: A Little Bit of a Lot of Love

I believe I touched on this before, but it really stuck out to me today that we are called to do the little things in love. We aren't necessarily going to change the world by becoming famous or traveling the globe because all it takes are the little acts of unconditional love to make someone passionate for God. So today, I have again been inspired to fill each opportunity with a little bit of God's HUGE and PERFECT love. What exactly will that mean? Well, I'll just have to wait for what lands in my path.

April 25: Weighted Down

It's been a hectic week, and today I had some time to catch up. This morning I was reflecting on an interesting and amusing thought: God sees us bury ourselves in tasks, in goals, and stuff because He has given us the free will to do that, but while watching this, He hurts, wishing that we'd drop it all and run to Him. Shouldn't He be enough? So I started writing--maybe it's a poem or a song--about a person on a journey (that's us).

At the beginning, she carries and empty sack, light and easy to carry. She meets a wealthy man and he gives her a stone saying that by carrying it, she will be rich. Her sack gets a little heavier. Then, she meets a group of girls. They give her many polished jewels and rocks saying that having them will make her popular. Then, she meets and young man, and he gives her a big rock that he claims will make her loved. Eventually, the traveler can't bear the weight, and she falls. (And though I haven't gotten to this part yet,) a final person (Jesus) will come to the struggling traveler and offer to carry that sack, help her to her feet, and walk with her, bringing exactly what she needs in every circumstance. 

Jesus is standing ready to take our sacks, but we have to hand them over first.

April 24: Who Deserves the Prize?

Tonight Hosa (an organization at my school for students interested in healthcare) hosted a tv show trivia night. We have been putting it together for months, collecting donated prizes for raffles, community sponsorships, trivia questions, etc. The event was a success, but that is not exactly where God stood out today.

One of the participants in trivia night was one of my teachers from last year. He loves trivia. He goes to trivia every week, and he also loves Hosa because he has experienced the impact and importance of good healthcare. So tonight, he came and supported us wholeheartedly. He brought a full team, bought a bunch of raffle tickets and food, helped us out whenever we asked, and continually brought a positive attitude to the evening. We called out the first few raffle prizes, and his number wasn't called. Then we called out several more, but still, none of his numbers were called. We were down to the last prize, a beautiful and yummy chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting from Piece of Cake, and the number-caller began. "Please let it be him, please, please, please," I thought to myself. The number had been read. No one stood to claim their prize. My eyes were on him. He nodded a little and raised his hand. I don't remember exactly what he said at that point, but later I heard that he really wanted that cake, so I was relieved that he at least got something for all of his contribution.

On the way home tonight, I began to think about God's actions. He is constantly supporting us, loving us, and providing for us, but how often do we call his number? How often does His get to claim His prize even though He is the supplier of all that went into them? Are we using what He has given us in a way that pleases Him? But He doesn't stop giving. In fact, is He seeking the prize? Or does He just love us so much that He keeps giving without expecting anything in return? (I'm going with the second one.)

Even though He loves unconditionally, I think we should still keep in mind that He is the provider of all that we have, and although He isn't requiring it or even expecting it, it might be nice for us to give the prize to Him.

April 23: What is Worship?

This morning I was talking to one of my friends who is one of the singers on the worship team at her church. She's been talking about this position all year; it's clearly been exciting and enjoyable for her. However, today she spoke of it differently--she is planning on quitting...wait, what? "Why?" I asked, and she responded that it has been taking her focus away from God during worship and putting the focus on her performance. Hmmmm, that's a good point. On the other hand, it is important that she lead others in worship. It comes down to the question of what is more important: focusing on her own worship or bringing others closer to God. I don't think any of us are the proper judge for that question, but here's how I reflect on it: our worship--our songs, actions, words, and thoughts--should be so powerful that it is contagious to all those around us so that they can't do anything but worship our God.

April 22: Happy Earth Day!

Today is Earth Day--it's a day to celebrate and respect nature, the purity of the Earth before humans messed it all up. In a way, it is a day to celebrate and be thankful for all of God's pure creations--the trees, flowers, grass, insects, animals, and yes, us too! Today should be a reflection of what God alone has made. His perfection, before we messed it up. So take time (even if it is the day after Earth Day or any day at all) to reflect on the perfect creation that you are. Respect God's work and don't try to make it better--it's already perfect. You are God's masterpiece. Celebrate it!

April 21: Speaking through Song

I was listening to the radio today, and a woman came on and talked about how reassuring it was to hear a certain song exactly when she got in the car after finding out that her husband had received a job, securing her family financially. It got me thinking, God speaks to each of us in different ways, and we speak to God in different ways. With other people, we have to use common language, whether it be nonverbal or verbal, to communicate, but with God, he can communicate in any form, so He works with whatever is best for us. I think that's pretty cool. God meets us where we are, we don't have to do anything but desire his presence.

April 20: Tornado!

There was a severe storm today in the early afternoon that produce several rotating cells, one of which ended up directly above my school...of course, it happened to be during the class I have in the trailers. So the sirens went off, and we headed into the building where we would spend the next hour in the hallway. For a time, the weather was pretty severe--heavy hail and wind, but it passed and everyone and everything is fine except for the plastered leaves everywhere. Nevertheless, the administrators and teachers did their job of putting students' safety as a priority. It was easy to see the continuous protection of our Heavenly Father in those brief minutes of emergency.

April 17-19: A Filled Weekend

It has been an extremely busy weekend, but each day has been filled with God's presence.

On Friday, I went to see Little Shop of Horror at Roswell High School. On the way there, we were running pretty late, so I was anxious during the car ride to get there quickly. I was not driving though, so it was out of my control...sort of. I realized that when we hand God the keys to the car, he still listens to us, but he is ultimately the decider. In other words, I can tell Him where to go, how to get there, and how fast to go, but no matter what I say, He's going where He wants to go--where He wants us to go. But remember, we have to give Him the keys.


On Saturday, I had an experience that would change my weekend, maybe even my life. I was in Hurts Park spending time with some of the homeless population, and a women, Mitzy, began telling me about her past. I was mind-blown at the start when she said she had died twice. Her first death was in an operation, a c-section. She had an out-of-body experience and looked down on her body as they pronounced her son dead, and quickly returned into her body. Later, in an abusive relationship, her boyfriend stabbed her, and she died again. This time, she went to heaven. She said that she saw the gates of pearls and the gold floor and the beautiful mansions made out of huge stones and wood. She also saw her son sitting on a rock. She pointed out that there is no sun in heaven, just light all around. Then, she was taken to visit hell where she saw unimaginable forms of torture and pain. Then, Jesus spoke to her, sending her back to Earth to tell all of his people of her experience.

Pretty neat, huh? So with the bewilderment of that conversation, I told everyone I ran into also! Saturday night and into Sunday morning, I spent time with all the girls in my confirmation group from this past year. We had a sleepover and had some really deep "girl-talk" time, talking about death, heaven, angels, purpose, etc. I would not have been as prepared for all those questions if it had not been for Mitzy's testimony. Those girls helped me realize how far I've grown in my relationship with God and how passionate and excited I am to share the wisdom I've been blessed with. It was so cool to see them growing in curiosity too! We talked about how God brings us together like a couch. A couch is a place for multiple people--it's where you gather with family or friends to enjoy time. It's comfortable and supportive, but there's a back on it that keeps you from living in the past. These girls are such an inspiration to me, and they've reminded me of the amazing God I am able to call Father.

April 16: It Takes a Village

The interactions I saw between friends and even strangers today was very encouraging that the community in which I live is a good and friendly place. This was mainly apparent in the evening. At the grocery store, there was a woman looking for yeast, and when she asked the others in the aisle and me, we all responded with an enthusiasm to help. That is what a good community looks like--interrupting your shopping experience to help someone.

Then, I went over to Moes to get dinner, and the employees were all very friendly and welcoming, despite it being close to closing time. I was treated as a friend rather than a customer.

Meanwhile, all this occurred after choir rehearsal during which we rehearsed the song, "It Takes a Village," which filled in the events of the evening that we all need to work together to make the most of what we have. And that's that. We shouldn't be selfish. It's not about you or about me. It's about us, everyone, and striving together to know our Heavenly Father.

April 15: Staying Aware of Others

On days like today when my to-do list seems a mile high, it's easy to get caught up in me, me, me, and ignore the people around me, but today I recognized the greater need of those around me and the calling to be selfless people.

I had to work on a project with a partner today. We were assigned to write a short story based on a symbol from Great Gatsby. Unfortunately, my partner and I were both accustomed to being the leader, so we spent a long time debating what symbol we'd do and as we began to write, each sentence was a stylistic argument. Towards the end, we'd both figured out the give-and-take policy and had come to a consensus. I'd realized that I could finish the assignment without putting my focus onto what she wanted rather than my desires.

Later, I was in a class and the boy in front of me kept sighing and making frustrated noises. Though I wanted to keep pushing through all my assignments, I stopped and asked him what was bothering him. The rant began and I could tell he was finally able to relieve some of his stress. It was a wake up call to lock "me" in the closet and put on some more "you." Hopefully, it can stay this way.

April 14: Listening to That Voice

This morning as I was driving to school in the wet, rainy, and still dark morning, I passed by a girl I know slightly. She, Katheryn, was walking to school, about a mile away at that point, carrying an umbrella and trying to avoid getting wet. I heard that voice and knew that I should stop and pull over and offer her a ride. I almost kept going, but I turned around and passed back by her, rolled down my window, and offered her a ride. She quickly accepted the offer and appreciated that I stopped. It was a very good reminder to listen to "that voice". I encourage you to do the same.

April 13: Everyday

Today was the return to school. Dun Dun DUNNNN!!! ;-) Spring break was extraordinary, so as I returned to the ordinary, it was tempting to let it be just that--ordinary. However, amongst routine, there are many instances where God shows up regularly, but they get lost in the repetition. So today, when I jumped back into the regular schedule, I noticed one of the many places where God has always been--my friends.

Yes, I know, I've thanked God many times for my friends, but I still have failed to notice them as God's messengers, protectors, and encouragers. That is just who they are.

April 12: Rejuvenated

It has been a great spring break! In the past week, I've celebrated the resurrection of our Savior with family, visited colleges and more family, caught up on my schoolwork, cleaning and sleeping, started several fun projects, gotten to know boys from the Canterbury choir, and more. It's been great, and it makes summer very appealing.

However, while I'm waiting for the end of the next six weeks, I'm also rejuvenated to make the most of 42 days. Usually I'd been dreading going back to school, but in a way I'm excited. There's a lot of important stuff that is about to happen, and that's exciting. Sure I have major exams and projects, but they're among many concerts and celebrations, and they're evidence of success. But more than that, I know that I have just a few more moments to make an impact on my classmates, some of whom I may never see again. Now the question is: how can I best share the love of Jesus Christ before I lose the opportunity? Now that is an exciting and rejuvenating thought!

April 11: Take It Easy

The English boys have arrived. We are hosting two 12-year-old boys from the Canterbury Cathedral Choir at our house this weekend. Until 5pm today, we scrammed to complete our spring cleaning in preparation, but when the boys arrived, the house was calm. The boys are easily pleased and rushing does not exist anymore; they enjoy their time. I think that's important and a lesson worth learning. When we rush around all the time, we miss the enjoyment of the passing time. In other words, by packing in a bunch of stuff, we take away the value of each moment. 

All that to say, make the most of your time. Enjoy each and every one of God's blessings.

April 10: Sympathy

Originally, I wanted to focus this blog post on my long-awaited trip to The Container Store today. I would have elaborated on how when we are super organized with our own stuff, we make a mess of what God has in store for us. That's not the focus of this post.

Today, I went by Kroger for my final meeting with the manager to get a donation for the upcoming Hosa trivia night. I'd been through previous face-to-face meetings and several phone calls, so I was ready to have the final outcome and be done. I walked to customer service, requested Mr. Kellogg, was directed to his office, and there he was, the same man I had spoken to just a few weeks ago. Except he looked awful. He looked weak and ill. His head had been shaved, revealing scars and accenting the dark bags under his eyes and presenting the remaining ear stub from a malformed/amputated ear. I was a little alarmed, but immediately, my heart of frustration softened to one of sympathy; whatever this man has been going through is far more important than my fundraiser.

This is where I most felt/saw God, not some container store with some deep metaphor, but in the simplicity of sympathy.

April 9: Running Late

This evening, my friend Lauren came over with her inflatable raft. Our plan was originally to kayak across the lake in my backyard to the island and to have a campfire, but when we couldn't transport the kayak to my house, we went for the inflatable raft. She came over a little after we'd planned and I put together all the stuff we needed, paused for a few minutes to fix my shoes, and we headed to the lake.

With no trouble, we got into the raft and were on our way to the island when we saw two kayakers heading for the island at a much faster rate. We were about halfway to the island when they arrived and began setting up their own fire. We stopped. Our island had been captured. We were too late.

A number of factors made us later than those kayakers: I stopped to fix my shoes, we had a raft in place of a kayak, Lauren had been running late, etc. But no matter what the cause was, we'd missed our chance, our plans, though not God's--He knew that we'd just begun the right plan.

So our evening continued. We floated around the lake, keeping an eye on the kayakers, a girl and her father, starting a fire on the island. Eventually, it was getting dark enough that we knew we wouldn't have time to enjoy a fire even if they did leave, so we headed to shore. I think it's important to note that it was a girl and her father who had beat us to the island. Similarly, when it's me and my Heavenly Father, the odds of having a good evening are much higher.

It's a good thing my Father was present tonight because we still had a great night. We made a fire in the backyard, roasted sweet potatoes, made quesadillas and s'mores (of course). I enjoyed every minute of it. It was a great night. Sometimes, running late in our eyes is actually running right on time.

April 6-8: More Than an Impression

Over the past few days, I have been touring colleges and visiting family in North Carolina. Several themes have hung around including first impressions, growing and maintaining relationships. That ended up being the focus of the entire trip.

In the 60 hours we were gone, we managed to visit 12 family members, 2 universities, and 9 restaurants. With family, we grew and maintained relationships that have been around for a while but need some check ins, like a fully grown tree that needs to be trimmed and maintained. Meanwhile, the college visits and restaurant experiences were often based on first impressions--what stood out, what made it an enjoyable experience, etc. Both of these are just important since a healthy relationship comes from an effective first impression. Nevertheless, a first impression alone cannot form a healthy relationship; instead, repeatedly reaching out and developing a friendship is vital. Yesterday, I left my phone in one of the bathrooms at Duke in the dining hall. When I returned, about half an hour later, to find it, I was greeted by one of the chefs from lunch who we had spoken to. He immediately dropped what he was doing to help me find my phone. Maintaining a relationship is just like that: he'd already made a good first impression at lunch, but now he was continuing his compassionate impression to make it a noticeable characteristic.

When God saw each of us for the first time, he saw perfection, his own masterpiece. The first impression is there. It is up to us to continue developing that relationship, to continue being that masterpiece which is exactly what He sees when we dedicate each of our thoughts and actions to His will.

April 5: A "Sonny" Day

It has been a great day, and it seems that it is easy to find God in all the good, especially when I'm surrounded by believers. The Easter services were powerful this morning: everyone was dressed in their best clothes and was in the best mood; the music was superb, and there was so much excitement in the air. Despite all this, my favorite part of the day was seeing the lovely Maddy and Whit Paris on the big screen during the children's moment. I have not seen this family in months, and even though Mary Elizabeth could not be there, it made my day to see part of her family. That is God's faithfulness. A year of prayer and healing and she is nearly back to full health--that is an Easter miracle.

April 4: Jesus is the Son, but really, he's our Moon.

Tonight, I chased the moon. I was driving and caught a glimpse of it. It was big and golden, and in the darkness, it was as bright as the sun. As I think about it more, I realize that Jesus is the Son of God, but rather than taking the role as the son/sun, he became the moon. He made himself less powerful and reliant on God in order to shine in the darkness. Tomorrow is His day to shine; He gets to display himself as the Son.

April 3: It's Ok to Be Happy: Sunday's Coming.

I've always felt that Good Friday should be a gloomy, really bad day. After all, Christ suffered miserably, and the least I can do to thank Him is to not celebrate his suffering but instead to mourn the pain with Him. Wrong!!

Good things kept happening today, even when I tried avoiding them; the weather was beautiful, I was full of energy, spring break has started, the Good Friday service went well, I laughed and smiled, I babysat and the baby who usually screams her lungs out smiled and giggled. Now, I've realized that just the anticipation of Sunday is worth celebrating. While it's important to remember the sacrifice and to not take it for granted, it's just as important that we make the most out of the sacrifice; Jesus died so the we, the Barrabases and Judases, could have freedom from the dark places. Thank you Father.

April 2: Night of Love

Many years ago on this night, Jesus sat down to the most famous meal of all time: The Last Supper. This wasn't an ordinary event. It was already a holiday feast, but it became a new holiday, a night of love.

First, Jesus sat and washed the disciples' feet. His eagerness to do this showed his desire to serve, no matter the consequences. Their willingness to have their feet washed also demonstrated their willingness to let Jesus into the darkest parts of their lives. 

Then, Jesus broke bread and shared wine for them to continue to remember Him and all He has lived (and died) for.

Finally, He spoke to them. He announced that one of them was the traitor. And to another, He predicted the abandonment that would come in times of trial.

Each of us are at that table. We have been offered bread and wine. We have been offered to be cleansed, to let Jesus into our dirtiest places. We have been declared the traitor and the abandoner, but despite this, tomorrow, He will still hang on the cross, suffer, and die... for us. For you. For me. 

April 1: Honesty

Kids speak their mind. Teenagers and adults have filters; they can both hold back the truth and alter it. During this April Fools' day, I was only tricked a few times, but I had to second guess everything I heard. Knowing that someone is truthful takes trust, and on a day like today, it's hard to do that. At the same time, though, I realized how important it is that I maintain trustworthy relationships with people so that others can confide in me and trust that what I say, I mean.