January 24-29: Trees

This past week I've gotten into sketching trees. I'm talking tall trees with complex branches spewing off and around the top--some blossoming, some fully green, some naked (or unfinished). I've learned that sketching is just as, if not more, effective than coffee at keeping me alert in class. Nevertheless, trees are very relatable to God's presence throughout this past week.

I think I mentioned several days ago how we should act like trees and support one another. Going off of that, it has become clear that trees are just not made to stand alone: it is inefficient and just not as enjoyable. Still, each tree has its own look, its own unique beauty and style, but it has a better chance of maintaining and developing these strengths in the presence and community of others.

Many days this week I have found myself connecting with people through words, actions, and music. Through conversations ranging from the definition of marriage to getting out of your comfort zone to religious customs to our hilarious "little kid" stories to nonsense in random accents, I've witnessed the blessing of being able to have and share thoughts and experiences.

From listening to an amazing conductor explain the power of a song at uniting a community after the shock of 9/11 and then witnessing that unity between each individual--tall, short, fat, skinny, black, white, straight, and gay--in our choir, and even through my schoolwork about the roots of our country, I am reminded of the blessing of diversity.

And while making and writing almost many notes of encouragement for high school students working hard to defeat the chains of poverty, I've recognized the power we have as individuals to make it about more than ourselves as individuals. There's a bigger picture than just a tree--though many times, I get caught up in perfectly organizing the height and width, the placement of the branches, and the stage of the leaves; perhaps it's time to zoom out, to peer through the forest and genuinely take my place among the others.

January 23: Gossip

I think I've solved my "seeing God" problem in that he is much more apparent when I look into the whys and hows. Unfortunately, his absence is also a lot more apparent as I investigate my and others' hows and whys.

Gossip is a constant threat to relationships of love. It is easy to start talking about someone in a way that could be hurtful or critical. It is easy to complain about another person. It is easy; a lot of times, it just slips out. It's hard enough not to speak gossip, but it is even harder not to receive it. Many times today I found myself as the recipient of someone's gossip, and I immediately thought of why and how--and the answer was not Jesus.

So then what? I'm still not quite sure of the best way to handle this without damaging a friendship. I try to come up with something nice to say or simply change the subject. It's hard, but I'm ending today grateful for the recognition of a situation that needs God, that needs love.

January 20-22: How and Why

Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find."

God is faithful. This weekend, I have received refreshment and clarity through a better understanding of the design of this world and the presence of God. I have been so caught up in the "what" God is doing that I burdened myself with doing things that show God or watching for certain actions that reveal God, but there is no "what" that defines God. He lies in the "how" and "why."

God has been present in how I relate to my mom, my dad, my new friends and old.

God has been present in how I spent several hours driving to and from and around Carrolton, GA--with a mix of deep conversations, the spookiness of a graveyard, and laughter.

God has been present in why I get an urge to get back in touch with an old friend. Then another urge to go to the night church service at Grace where I happen to find that friend and reconnect.

Wow.

January 19: I Got a Feelin'

Most days, when I sit down to right these daily blog entries, I think about where I "saw" God. I flip through the pages of my day, searching for moments of inspiration, of insight, of encouragement, of broken-heartedness, for some time when I experienced God.

Tonight I sit and wonder, when is an experience just a feeling and when is it the Spirit? When am I actually witnessing God and when am I letting Earth-things falsify themselves into God-like moments? I really don't know. I'm not sure where that boundary is, and perhaps that means I need to do more seeking of where God is and less reflecting of where God was. Tomorrow is a new day, and for me, it will be a day of seeking.

January 18: Policies Everywhere!

It seems like the topic of the day for today was the numerous policies that are created by people disconnected from those whom they affect and therefore are often inappropriate or ineffective to their purpose. With this in my, I am increasingly grateful that our God is not disconnected but rather extremely connected. In fact, he has been where I am, he has seen the light, and he has perfectly chosen the guidelines by which we should live in order to experience his kingdom on Earth. Boy do I feel blessed and secure knowing that!

January 17: Simple Pursuit

"Simple Pursuit" --Passion

God take us back, the place we began

The simple pursuit of nothing but you

The innocence of a heart in your hands

God take us back, oh God, take us back

To an unswerving faith in the power of your name

A heart beating for your kingdom to reign

A church that is known for your presence again

God take us back

I walked out of the gym this morning and looked across the sky at the sunrise as this song played through my headphones. Simple pursuit. God doesn't ask us for much. He simply asks that in life, we strive for Him, with Him, and through Him.

This song always gets to me. I think many of us recognize that the church is not generally recognized for the love and acceptance of Jesus Christ nor the presence of God, so this song reminds me that it is time for a renewal, "a church that is known for your presence again." As I looked at the students and professors walking to class, most of them slumped over, looking at their phones or staring into the distance, I realized that there are a lot of people around me who don't know God's name, let alone the power of it! This moment transformed my day into a "simple" pursuit.

January 16: Customer Service

I was at Publix today, and it was very busy, as always. After a few minutes waiting in line, it was my turn to check out, and as I came up to the cashier, I began my usual "hello, how are you?" but she cut me off and proceeded to tell me to "do whatever you're gonna do with your card." So, I put my card in the machine.

She had rushed through scanning my three items and had scanned something twice and had to remove it, so the transaction got messed up, and it was another minute or two before I'd successfully paid. I thought to myself how much faster she could've been if she'd just gone a little slower. And I certainly would've felt like I'd gotten better customer service, regardless of how much time it took.

I began to leave, and she began yelling at the next customer to hurry up and get to her register.

Honestly, I would have preferred to see a happy, pleasant, slow cashier after standing in line with a bunch of people trying to speed things along, but how many times have I been the one to focus on being fast and get things done rather than look up at the person (customer in this case) and remember not what I'm doing but for whom I am doing. I've touched on this before--Jesus wasn't trying to pack in as many healings and teachings as possible. I believe he recognized that if he was thorough in the relationship he built, his works would multiply through them. I think that's a pretty good strategy--not to rush or to get the "what" done, but to see the "who" and let that be enough.

January 14: Remember

I got to spend the majority of my day today with my lovely friend, Ellen. We walked around for hours through Atlanta, just enjoying the beautiful weather and each other's presence. Every now and then Ellen would stop and take a picture. Each time, it was purposeful--she'd seen something special and wanted to take a moment to look at it more and remember it.

For me, I usually just keep walking, even if I do see something that catches my eye. A lot of times, I don't stop. But through the day, I've realized that I'll probably miss a lot of good sights over the course of my life if I never stop to take a closer look. God is constantly sharing his creation with me--I might as well at least take a second to stop. And maybe even take a picture too.

January 13: Empathetic Support

I've been listening to a book about shame (I Thought It Was Just Me by Brene Brown), and today I listened to one segment that focused on the need for empathy to prevent placing someone else in a feeling of shame. With that in the back of my mind, I went roller skating tonight with CCF (Christian Campus Fellowship).

I haven't been roller skating in many years. In fact, I tried to teach myself to roller skate a year or two ago, by using a broom to balance myself and making circles around my garage. It didn't work out too well. So at the skating rink, after I'd finally managed to secure the skates to my feet, I cautiously stood up. Then I froze. What now?

Somehow I managed to step my way to the smooth surface of the rink, where one of my friends, Angel (far right of photo) took my hand and helped me balance as I began to skate. After a few loops, my other friend, Bethany (middle of photo), took my other hand, and also helped me. We continued around the rink. They never rushed me or pulled me, but encouraged me the whole time. Meanwhile, others were skating past us, also cheering me on. After several minutes and quite a few loops, Angel asked, "Are you ready for me to let go?"

"Nope," I quickly responded.

We continued to skate.

"Do you feel steady now?" asked Angel.

"Nope."

We had this conversation a few times, but soon my certainty of my failure diminished: "nope" to "no" to "I don't know" to "maybe" to "probably." And she let go. A few more paces and Bethany let go too! And there I went, and fell flat on my face! Just kidding!!! That's what I thought was going to happen. I didn't fall. In fact, I felt incredibly stable. The night continued and my skating skills improved. Angel and Bethany, along with many others, passed by several times cheering me on.

As I got more comfortable, my thoughts drifted from "don't fall. don't fall. don't fall." to pondering what amazing friends I have and how empathetic they are with their support. Not once did they say, "it's easy, just trust me" or urge me to let go and release them to their own speed and abilities, but they stayed with me. They found me where I was, and helped me along the way to getting better.

Those are the types of people we need in this world of wandering and wondering souls. We just need some guides, some mentors, some partners to lead others towards the Truth. Not someone to drag you to where they are in their faith, but just someone to show the way.

January 12: Limiting God

I realize that I have limited my experience with God to vision. I always say "I saw God..." or am asked "Where have you seen God?" Why only "see"? What about hearing God, feeling God, even smelling or tasting Him? Who knows?? He's GOD. I'm pretty sure that He's not limited to our one or even five senses.

Today, I felt God as I glimpsed at the beautiful full moon peaking over the clouds and illuminating the tops of the skyscrapers. I felt his perfection, his masterpiece, his all-encompassing glory. God is alive in me, and I will not limit Him to solely my sight.

January 11: Childlike Joy

There's something about hearing a child giggle or seeing a child dance that brings contagious joy. Today, I had the pleasure of listening to an amazing mom speak about her daughter with special needs. She didn't speak with disappointment or frustration about her daughter's disabilities, but rather bragged about her accomplishments, her high expectations, her sassiness, and her joy. This evening, I was babysitting a two-year-old boy who would not stop giggling when he put his balloon in the kitchen sink. Every time it landed in the sink, I'd say, "What is a balloon doing in the sink?! That's silly!" And he'd laugh and laugh and laugh. And the balloon would end up in the sink more and more frequently, until we'd had this same occurrence at least 20-30 times. It took so little to fill him with joy.

I imagine God smiles the biggest when he hears us giggle, to see his children stunned and amused with the greatness of his creation. How many times have I overlooked something so simple and contributed it to being "normal" rather than a very specific characteristic of God's creation? Why do I spend moments without joy when I am surrounded by reminders of God's love and grace? It's about time I restore my joy, just like a child, grateful for all the small things.

January 10: Don't Switch the i and t !!

Major revelation today. With some inspiration from my bible study group, I discovered something powerful. Get ready:

United can easily become untied if the i steps in the place of the t. There's more: the t is like the cross (representing Jesus' sacrifice, God's love and grace, etc.) So in other words, when we put ourselves as individuals in the place of God's all-encompassing love, we break--or untie--the bonds that unite the family of God.

MIND BLOW

January 9: Still

At the gym today, I noticed a personal trainer who was having a conversation with his trainee between her reps. The girl appeared to have some special needs that might make her at times socially awkward or disabled. The trainer asked her how her day had been or something along those lines, and the girl began to talk on and on about the details of her day, the phone call she would soon have with her mom, etc. He didn't hurry her or appear to have his own agenda, but just stood there and attentively listened to her.

It seems like such a simple thing, now that I think about it, but in the moment, it was such a clear reminder to me to take time to listen to people. Many times I get caught up in my "what's next?" agenda that I lose the ability to sit still and just listen. I can't recall anytime in the bible when Jesus turned someone away or rushed his conversation or lesson because of his personal schedule. In fact, if anything, he did the complete opposite, trusting that where he was in the moment was exactly where his Father wanted him, and when an opportunity to serve or teach appeared, he stepped up and took advantage of it. I often fail to recognize the situations in which I'm in because I'm too concerned with the situation that I believe I need to get to or that I'm late for. Part of this comes from overfilling my schedule, so as a sort of new year's resolution I'm going to try to provide enough buffer in my schedule and to-do list that I can be still in the moment and aware of the opportunities God may be presenting.

January 8: "The Depths Have Covered Them"

All day today I've had one line of a song stuck in my head. It's a song from Israel in Egypt (by Handel) and the line is "the depths have covered them." To be honest, I've been kind of frustrated with this tune which refuses to leave my mind. I mean, really? "The depths have covered them" doesn't feel like the most joy-filled statement. Not really what I want to be thinking as I prepare for another semester of college--I don't want the depths to cover me! I want to swim and make it to the other side.

But then it occurred to me: "Them" is referring to Pharaoh and his army in their pursuit of the Israelites during the exodus. "Depths" refers to the sea which drowned Pharaoh's men, freeing the Israelites from their reign and threat. It isn't "the depths have covered me." It's not a song of defeat, but a song of victory--God's victory! The enemy has been conquered! I am free!

So this is exactly the line I want stuck in my head as a begin this semester. Even when it seems that the enemy is indefeatable--when material seems impossible to understand, when exhaustion becomes unrelinquishing, when grades are plummeting, when relationships are wounded--God is victorious. "The depths have covered them." I think I'll be just alright.

January 7: Shine Bright Like an... Icicle!

The winter weather came alright! Not quite snow, but lots of ice--the beautiful kind of ice! As I was outside during the day, I could not help but admire the brilliance and beauty of the reflection of the sunlight in the icicles along all the trees. They glimmered so brightly it was hard to take my eyes off of them!

To most people, ice has a negative connotation. It's cold. It's slippery. It's dangerous. It's painful. It's hard. It's sharp. No snowman. No sledding. No driving. It's the worst component of a winter storm. And yet, it is perhaps the best way to magnify light. Sure water is reflective, but ice creates a whole new level of brightness that's hard to miss.

If we are talking about our lives, the ice is the bad stuff--struggles, pains, weaknesses, losses--and the light is God. When we are bare, with no understanding of the bad, we are less capable of magnifying and sharing the light. And yet when we have experienced the bad stuff or when we are currently experiencing it, we become even more effective in sharing God's light. Let's reconsider our definition of "bad" and recognize it for it's powerful enhancement of our lives.

January 6: Excited Anticipation

Yesterday was a day filled with the anticipation of snow, and boy! everyone knew about it, everyone talked about it, everyone acted on it. The stores were cleared out (in fact, I heard today that our local Kroger sold more yesterday than they did for Christmas), the roads were empty, cars were parked at the tops of driveways, gravel and salt were on the roads. We were ready and excited.

We did all this for the chance of frozen water falling from the sky.

And yet, what do we do when there's a 100% chance of salvation through Jesus, of one day seeing God's face, of being able to serve Him daily, and of the possibility of His return to this Earth during our lifetime? We continue on with our normal lives.

Where's our excitement? Our anticipation? Why don't we spend our lives talking about our saving grace, designing our lives to mold to God's will, and preparing our hearts to meet Jesus?

January 5: Blue Cloud

I was driving today and as I glanced up at the sky, I thought to myself, "wow, what a beautiful shade of blue!" Yet as I continued to see it (don't worry, I had my eyes focused on the road!) I realized that the "blue" I was admiring was actually a deep gray cloud and what seemed to be a white fluffy cloud was in fact the pale blue sky peeking outside of the cloud.

It got me thinking: at what point is it beneficial to be fooled that something generally perceived as bad is good and at what point is it harmful? When is it good to look at a negative situation and find the beauty of God's purpose in it versus realizing that this situation could be better and doing something about it? But then, why not both?

I'm a fixer. I find a problem, and I want to solve it.

I am an optimist. I find a problem, and I want to treat it like it's no big deal.

In most everyone's life at one time or another, struggles will appear. There will be times when we are fooled that something is good when in reality we have turned down the wrong path. There will be times when we realize our struggles and submit to drowning in them. These are the extremes. In times of struggle it is important to realize what you're facing and to cherish the opportunity to pursue God in a purposeful manner--make the most of your beautiful blue cloud.

January 2-4: Passion (the conference) and Passion (the emotion)

The past few days I had the privilege of attending Passion at the Georgia Dome along with 50,000 other students. It was a time of spiritual refreshment and revitalization, and how amazing to see a generation worshipping God in a building where most are often worshipping some man or man-made idol.

Some of the things that have most stood out to me come from the passion within many of the people there. First, seeing the dome's event staff worshipping in their place of duty. Whether we were singing or listening or praying, they were also participating, despite being on duty. The environment in that dome was contagious and the Holy Spirit was surely present. Second, getting to share in a small group time with several peers, one of whom was SO passionate about her current work. For the entire year, she is volunteering at a homeless shelter for young adults. She spoke of how much she enjoys it and how much she loves each and every person who walks through the doors. And finally, realizing the impact that living purposefully and passionately for Christ in every moment can have on my life. Several speakers emphasized the idea that the truth of the cross, our salvation at Calvary, and the anticipation of soon standing in the presence of God, are more than enough to strive enthusiastically in praise to and service for God. Passion 2017--let's go.

January 1: Breathe

It's 2017. For this year, I'm back to blogging about God's presence in my life. I've realized, after a year of not holding myself accountable for daily recognition of God's presence, that I have missed out on all the areas he is present. So here's to a new year, a God-filled new year.

2017 is a year of unknowns and as a result, some anxiety. For me, it's easy to get caught up in attempting to plan every detail and then being frustrated when it doesn't all go according to plan. Like today, as I began to form a plan for transportation and food and lodging and logistics for Passion conference these next few days, things kept changing, and I realized I don't have control and I don't need control. It'll be ok. Sometimes, I need to just step back and take a deep breath.

Inhale.

Exhale.

A lot can happen in a year--for better AND worse. There will be moments where I could easily get wrapped up in logistics and organization and miss seeing or being light and love. I'm going into this year trusting God and simply breathing and following Him.